Coffee With E
Welcome to Coffee with E—where great conversations meet inspiration! ☕✨
This podcast is for dreamers, go-getters, and those on a journey of self-growth. Whether you’re building a business, navigating relationships, or working on your mindset, you’ll find motivation, wisdom, and real-life stories to help you level up.
Each week, we dive into topics like self-worth, mental well-being, wealth-building, leadership, and entrepreneurship—always with a mix of honesty, luxury, and a little fun. If you love deep conversations, personal growth, and a good cup of coffee, this is the podcast for you!
Join me, Erica Rawls, and my guests as we keep it real, inspire action, and remind you that anything is possible if you’re willing to do the work. Subscribe now and let’s dream big together! ☕✨
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Coffee With E
Why Your Circle Matters: How to Know When It's Time to Move On
Is your circle of friends evolving along with your life? Join us for a candid conversation with our insightful guest, Gillian Brooks, as we uncover the complexities of friendships and the art of discernment. As an author and businesswoman, Gillian shares her personal journey of navigating shifting relationships, offering wisdom on recognizing the roles people play in our lives. Learn how to distinguish between lifelong bonds, fleeting acquaintances, and the lessons each brings, all while using self-awareness and accountability to cultivate genuine connections.
Ever wonder how meditation and self-reflection can transform your relationships? Our discussion takes you through the profound journey of personal growth, underscoring the power of connecting with a higher power and embracing meaningful friendships. Gillian and I explore the joys and challenges of maintaining enduring connections, sharing personal anecdotes about forming new familial bonds and celebrating personal imperfections. With optimism and gratitude, we reflect on the relationships that have withstood the test of time and those that teach us more about ourselves.
In a world full of distractions, how do you prioritize meaningful relationships while pursuing your goals? We delve into the transformative power of education, mentorship, and setting boundaries, focusing on individuals seeking change, especially those involved in the criminal justice system. Our conversation highlights the courage needed to overcome mental barriers and embrace available resources for success. From re-entry programs to setting clear boundaries, we emphasize the importance of open communication and intentionality in maintaining strong bonds through life's many phases.
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I had to learn that everybody is not your friend. Everybody doesn't deserve a seat at your table. Some people are associates, some people are your lifelong friends, some people were there for a season and some people were there to teach you a lesson. So I think it's important that people as us in general women in general as well is to really take inventory of the people in our life and also utilize our discernment and exercise our discernment in why this person is in our lives utilize our discernment and exercise our discernment and why this person is in our lives.
Erica Rawls:Welcome to another episode of Keeping it Real, where we have real conversations with extraordinary people in multi-million dollar homes. Before I introduce my guests, I first want to thank our sponsors for helping us pay for this episode Top construction, all state insurance and Fidelis Mortgage, as well as my personal real estate business. And now let's get into it. Have you ever had a situation where you were in a friend circle and then, as you start to evolve, you realize that the friends that used to be your friends have changed? Or have you changed? For example, your friends in college? You hit it off very well and then, all of a sudden, one of you get married. Then the dynamics start to change. Married, then the dynamics start to change and then you feel, when you have that conversations like you used to have, staying up all night with them, something's just not clicking. That support that you two used to have or your group used to have is no longer the same. Why is that? That's exactly what we're going to be talking about today with our guest, jillian Brooks, who is an author, a multifaceted businesswoman and, as she says, your girl's girl, and we're going to get into it. Welcome, jillian. Hi, how are you? I'm good, good, beautiful set. Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you, I'm so glad to have you here.
Erica Rawls:I'm happy to be here, yeah, because we were thinking we were talking before we actually started shooting this episode, like, ok, so how did we meet, right, how do we're just trying to figure it out? You're like I don't know. And then I started thinking, you know why or how we met? Was the fact that I'm drawn to people that are just naturally dynamic, right, that aren't afraid to speak their truth, and they're just multifaceted, right, and not only do they say the thing, they actually do, the thing that's right. That's me. Is that you? That's me, I'm telling you. So I gravitated to you and I was like you know what? I want to check her out. And then we connected on IG and I saw that you were doing your podcast, right, guided by Jill, and I said, hey, I think we need to collaborate.
Gillian Brooks:Yes, absolutely, and that's why we're here, yes, and I'm happy to be here.
Erica Rawls:I'm happy to have your platform.
Gillian Brooks:Oh, thank you.
Erica Rawls:I love your platform.
Gillian Brooks:Thank you so much. It's clean, it's professional. I love it, so I'm so happy to be here.
Erica Rawls:Yeah, thank you so much. So we're going to get into it. Let's get into it. So we're going to be talking about friendships Gulp, when to change your circle. So I shared of a situation where we see a lot of times that the evolution of friendships Right, so let's just get right into it. Let's share a scenario where you may have felt like you were hurt or how you decided, how you had to navigate through that. Let's just get right into it. So, in regards friendships are.
Gillian Brooks:I think friendships for me is is a touchy subject, because I feel like I take accountability for my actions. So I feel like, like as I'm growing and as I'm going into my journey, people have fallen to the wayside in regards to friendships. But I will I'm not going to pinpoint like any particular situation, because my friend circle is very small. Yeah, so if I do speak on something, they're going to know probably who I'm talking about, right?
Gillian Brooks:so um, but all, all the other women, right, right, right but so um, there has been times like I'm almost, I'm 38, I'll be 39 next month, so I'm up there.
Erica Rawls:I'm going to get to that 40.
Gillian Brooks:I've had some life experiences, though I'm sure, and I will say that one thing I've learned is that one thing that's super important as you are getting older or as you're in your journey, is to always have discernment about the people around you, is to always have discernment about the people around you.
Gillian Brooks:So, of course, like you said, there's people that we become friends just because the energy is right or we've met, we met somewhere and we just hit it off, and sometimes I don't think, subconsciously, that we take inventory on that person and why they're in our lives. And so this is something that I'm learning to do as I've gotten older is that when I meet people, I had to learn that everybody is not your friend. Everybody doesn't deserve a seat at your table. Some people are associates, some people are your lifelong friends, some people were there for a season and some people were there to teach you a lesson. So I think it's important that, like people as us in general, women in general as well is to really take inventory of the people in our life and also utilize our discernment and exercise our discernment and why this person is in our lives. Do you think?
Erica Rawls:all women have discernment.
Gillian Brooks:I think it's in, I think it's in all of us. I think, just like any tool or any, just like any thing that you do, you should exercise that, that tool or utilize that tool of discernment, and I don't think a lot of us even maybe don't know that we have it or we don't know how to utilize it.
Erica Rawls:That's a fair point, yeah, Cause I think okay. So, just talking about discernment in itself, I do believe that you have the ability to discern, and I think through this is what I found to be true Some people are gifted to have a higher sense of discernment, and so you may hear people say I'm an empath, they can feel things right. I also think you can train yourself to be that way. Yeah, just through meditation. The more you meditate, just really look inside of yourself.
Gillian Brooks:I truly believe that you know through that experience of that time, right, you start to feel, starts to feel it, and you exercise. You exercise it right, or they're stronger, that your relationship becomes with your higher power. You start to learn to go to him first, right before you, you act on your raw emotion because our raw emotion, yes, you can be an empath, you can be all of these things. You know, a people, person, you can be all these things. But if you're not protecting yourself first, and that's to go to your higher power and say, why am I having this experience? Why is this person in my life? Why, right, or are they allowed to be here, then you will experience these situations where you have, where you become hurt, you feel used, you feel abandoned, all of those things Because I have, I have learned as I've gotten older that sometimes people are not in control of what they're doing, right, yeah, they may be sent from other things, right, to come on on missions, right, and and again, with the raw emotion.
Gillian Brooks:And and us, just like, wanting love, wanting to fill a void, we allow people in in situations, into our bubble and they can ultimately destroy us, teach us a lesson or help us grow, and so I will say that, um, of course I've had situations in my life where I was hurt. Of course I've been in these wacky, petty things with females. Who hasn't? We're women, this is our, this is our natural, fair, that's who we are naturally. But to say and pinpoint exactly like that this person hurt me. I take accountability for that because I allowed that person into my life and it was a lesson for me and hopefully they walked away with a lesson as well. Yeah, so that kind of sums that up for me.
Erica Rawls:I don't like to pinpoint and say, oh, this person hurt me or this person, of course we've been hurt, you know, right. So, as you evolved from, you know, high school, you know, to college, then becoming a mom, college, then becoming a mom, like, have you seen how your relationships evolved and were there, did you like? How did you learn that? Okay, the people that are in my life today, right, are here for just that season, versus the ones that are here for a lifetime, right.
Gillian Brooks:So I want to reiterate, I want to go back on something, something I actually went to high school, became a mom, went to college okay, yeah, so I was it yeah, so I was a teen.
Gillian Brooks:Uh, I had my son when I was 19 years old, okay, so I did not go to college right after high school. I was a mom right away. I didn't go back to college until I was like 27. Okay, I had my second daughter after I had my second child, um, so I have friends from high school. I still have friends from high school. That I still have friends from high school. That's awesome, that's.
Gillian Brooks:I just was on the phone with my best friend, like we talk for hours throughout the day. We've been friends since we were 15 years old. She's still my friend and I have other friends as well from high school. So those people have been through it with me and I think just that is such. I think that's such a gift from from God because it's like, it's like a family member, right, somebody that you're gifted like your mom or your dad, whether the situation, whether that relationship be positive or negative experience, but to be gifted a friend like that that has been with you through every phase of your life. And we joke all the time because I'm like, I can't believe. Like you're this big IT developer. Like we went to school together, drank mad dog 2020 together. Like we part, like I can't believe. Like you're this serious person and in her, the same with me. She's just like you're so fake you're on the phone with those people. You're being fake because this is just like. We've known each other since we were kids, sure, um, so love that relationship.
Gillian Brooks:Yes, I have friends ever since was since we've been in high school, and then I have a group of friends now who have taught me the meaning of family. I have a very small family. I come from a single parent home. My mother raised me by herself, single mother. My father was incarcerated for the first seven years of my life and then after that, he went off and you know, my mom raised me by herself.
Gillian Brooks:Um, very small family. But my friend group that I have now. They taught me about like sisterhood. They taught me about like they taught me how to travel, because I used to travel a little bit, but when I met them, we did traveling on a whole nother level, um, and it's now like they're like my family, um, and we, you know they invite me to things, to inner family that are very intimate and private, and I get to experience and learn those lessons of what, like larger families look like, because I didn't have that. So, yes, and that journey is just like you know, you have people and things in between that happen. But you know, I look at, I'm very optimistic, I'm a very optimistic person.
Gillian Brooks:I try to look at the good and everything. I will be petty, though. I'll have my moments of petty and be like I remember that you know or I see somebody I mean God is working on me, he's working on me, he's working on me. So I'm not going to say that, I won't say that I don't have that pettiness in me, because I do. But I'm very optimistic and I do value where I'm at right now and the relationships in my life right now Good.
Erica Rawls:So okay, so share a time when you knew that you had to separate. Yeah, and how did that?
Gillian Brooks:feel. So there was a time in my life when, like I was telling you before, like how wrong can we get? Um, I lived a uh, I lived a wild life. So I'm from uptown Harrisburg and, um, I've done some things that I'm not proud of. Um, so there was a time in my life that I lived a life of crime and, um, during that time, I had a lot of people around me, a lot of people around me that you know um, people around me that you know um, you know we did some things. You know did some things. And you think that these people are your friends and you think they're going to be around forever. You think they are ride or die and they got your back. And that's not always the case. And I had somebody at the time who was also in the street and he said to, he sat me down and he said Jillian. He said you are such a beautiful girl, why are you doing?
Gillian Brooks:the things that you're doing. Thank you, he said you're beautiful, you can go to school, you can get your degree, you can why? Why are you doing the things that you're doing and the people around you if you get in trouble? Or when you get in trouble? Cause it's only a matter of time when, when these people are not going to be there for you and they're not going to be here for your son, and it really. He changed my life. He changed my life and he's no longer here. He, he has passed away because of the life that he chose to live.
Erica Rawls:And so he stayed in it but said hey, you need to yeah he had a real conversation with me.
Gillian Brooks:Yeah, he had a real conversation with me and I'll never forget him and it made me. Then, you know, when they say, when you keep knocking, when God says, keep knocking and he'll open those doors for you, it started like things started to happen around me where, one by one, people started to drop off in situations because God was elevating me, he was putting me in a place, you know, where I would succeed and I would excel. And so people that really, really know me, they know, they know this side of me. A lot of people that are new don't know this about me, but anybody that knows me, if they're watching, they're like, oh yeah, she's telling the truth, you know what she's talking about, and so you know I had to let go of a lot of relationships during that time and I love these people.
Gillian Brooks:We had fun, had fun, we had a good time and we sure we did it all um, but it just was not conducive to the lifestyle that I wanted to live and I thought about my son at the time and like if something was to happen to me, who would take care of my child? And I didn't want to leave that burden on my mother, because my sister had already passed away and she left five kids and my mom was helping with those. You know, her five children. And then here I am, being wild and free and doing these things and then to leave my son. I knew that that was not an option for me, so so for you.
Erica Rawls:Changing your circle would save your life absolutely, absolutely.
Gillian Brooks:Because if I would have continued on that path um, with the friends, with the men that I was dealing with, yeah, I would have been in prison or did honestly, if I would have continued the path that I was on.
Erica Rawls:So was it the conversation that you had with him, or did your family attribute to you wanting to change your circle to live a better life?
Gillian Brooks:Not my family so much, because I was the means of survival for my family. So I think my family knew that that wasn't the best thing for me to do. But when you're from these environments or these places, this is all people know, this is all they know. They don't know anything different. They don't tell they don't. You know? I'm a first-gen college student, so your family's not saying oh, you know, stop and go to college. We can't afford college, we can't pay for college, and so I don't know. I'm grateful that that person saw that in me to have that conversation with me, because nobody else was going to have that conversation with me. And then my poor mom. She didn't even know what I was doing, she had no clue yeah, yeah, I didn't it's.
Erica Rawls:It's crazy because you are probably the if you had to put a face to you, don't know, you don't look like what you've been through. Right, absolutely, absolutely, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I need to share with the people that are watching. I had no idea we're going to be having this conversation.
Gillian Brooks:I did, I all.
Erica Rawls:I know is I wanted to talk about like change it. How do you know when it's the right time to change your friend circle?
Gillian Brooks:Yeah, but this is going to touch somebody, like you said it is going to touch somebody.
Erica Rawls:So, like, what did it take to get out of that situation? You know what I mean To change that circle and yeah, just God, did you ever feel like you needed?
Gillian Brooks:to go back. Just God, I think, just my heart, having faith in my higher power and removing myself out of environments. It wasn't like you know, you know, you see these things on TV and they're like, oh, if you, you know, if you, you know, if you leave, this is what's going to happen. It wasn't anything like that. Honestly, it's just like, hey, I'm not doing, I'm not participating in these things anymore, right.
Erica Rawls:And then you know it wasn't like you see on TV. No, right, because that's all I can relate it to. No, no.
Gillian Brooks:I mean, I think a lot of people from my neighborhood probably has lived this. Now we won't get into detail, but it's nothing crazy, you know it's nothing too crazy, but it's just you know you're doing things you shouldn't do. I was around people that this was acceptable and so just I remember giving back everything that I owned and got from that lifestyle and I started over, started completely over, moved back in with my mom, lived in her basement and just I started a new job and, um, I remember I was walking at one point with my son and people were like why is she walking and why is she taking the bus? And I completely just said I'm done, I don't want anything to do with any of these prior dealings, I'm just going to go and really get my life together. I went back to school. I got a job which which ended up being my career for the last 18 years. So I worked in health care for the last 18 years. My son is 19.
Gillian Brooks:So I worked in HIV and infectious disease and I worked, as I started, as an outreach worker. I used to pass out condoms outside and then it went to me becoming a case manager and then I said I really, really like health care and I really really like infectious disease, and so it started my career into working in infectious disease. With hepatitis C, I ended up going back to school and minoring epidemiology. Wow, and it was just my life. Like everybody knows the HIV lady, like everybody likes her. You know, if you needed to get tested for STDs or HIV, I worked at the clinic or I worked as a case manager, help people get housing, and so it really like it was. The best thing that ever happened to me was to like really pull myself up by the bootstraps and change my life for the better. And you know, like I said, I was first gen college student and then my son is now enrolled in college, so he's going to school in the health care field.
Erica Rawls:Yeah, you're grieving the, grieving the growth.
Gillian Brooks:I'm not. He's already been home twice this week, so, oh, but yeah, so you know it. Just, it just took me to take the steps to to make those changes. And you know my husband says this all the time. He says this um, my husband has a similar background as as me, um, and he is has changed his life tremendously, tremendously. He has I mean, just the time that we've been together he has done a 180. He is just he's it's. It's been beautiful to watch, because I remember going through it and then to see him through it and he's like, babe, you got the blueprint. Like he says it's easy. All people have to do is just, you know it's easy. He says all the time it's easy out here, it's easy out here, right, and it's like you know. But again, where we're from, people don't have these opportunities.
Gillian Brooks:And then to segue into the work that I do now is create educational and career opportunities for individuals in underserved areas. So you know these, the college applications and the. You know the navigating, the resources and the. You know how, if I get a no here, you can go here and get a yes, you know, and so it really contributed back to. You know everything but changing your circle right and changing the people around you, people who have a bigger. You know they have more. I love people that have more than me. I'm not no hater. I love to be around women who have more than me because it makes my vision for life larger. It makes me want more. If Erica did it, I can do it too. That's the representation. The representation is important. The mentorship is important, um and so, um, yeah, removing, you know not to say that these people were bad. It's not.
Erica Rawls:You know, take accountability for, for my action it just wasn't the lifestyle that was best suited for you, right? That wasn't your purpose, that wasn't for me.
Gillian Brooks:Yeah.
Erica Rawls:So then, to the person that's you, when you were, you know, in the streets, what do you say to that person that wants to get out, right, it's scary, it is scary, You're going for, okay, I'm living this fast life. Right, a fast life or a fun?
Gillian Brooks:life, terry, I think, ok, I'm living this fast life, right, a fast life or a fun life. What do I say is this like if it's something that you want, just do it. You know, just make that change. There's steps, of course, there's a process, there's a blueprint, of course, but you have to want to change first, because you know, if you don't want to change, then nothing's going to change. But if you want to change, all you have to do is take that first step.
Gillian Brooks:You know, and I see it with the students I work with all the time the college that I work for has a re-entry program now for folks who are criminally justice involved individuals, to help them, either if they've just come home from prison or if they're on their way to prison. There there are so many programs, for they even have programs for people with which they identify as shooters, right, so children who live a life of crime. And if that is what you are doing or have doing no judgment, we're going to pay for you to go to school so you can get an education. Yeah, these resources are so important for folks. You know, and taking that one step Right To say I don't want to do this anymore, I want to get a job. I don't want to do this, no more. I want to go to school. When you step into that classroom, you're around a whole different type of people. Right, you're around.
Erica Rawls:That's intimidating to some people, though, right.
Gillian Brooks:You got to think, you got to want more for yourself. I understand it's intimidating, but I've never been a fearful, fearful person, and my book is called Crush your Fear of Flying. There you go, so plug that in there Crush your fear of flying. So I've never been afraid of anything and that was my gift and my curse. But fear is. If fear is an illusion, it's just an illusion. What are you afraid of? What's the worst thing that's going to happen? You're going to go in here. Somebody says hello to you. You're going to go in here. You're going to actually get an A in your class and you're actually going to succeed. So my aunt bought me the Nelson Mandela our. Our greatest fear is not that we are inadequate, is that we're more powerful beyond measure, and I think that is the part that people have to realize. You're afraid of winning. You're afraid of. You're actually afraid that you're actually going to win, not that you're going to lose, cause if you lose, like who's going to really see you?
Gillian Brooks:But, if you win now you have to. You're held to a standard now you have to keep winning. You have to keep winning. So you're afraid you're going to you're afraid you're going to, you're afraid to win. So that's just the way that I look at it, like, yeah, get in there and get it done, so OK.
Erica Rawls:So I hear what you're saying, right, and yeah, it's easy. You're making it sound like it was really easy to change your life and to get get out of that circle and to build up to what you have today, right? Author. Multifaceted businesswoman just doing the darn thing. But there's some people that just don't have, I guess, the strength, right, or the ability to change mental.
Gillian Brooks:It's a mental thing, so go ahead, I'll let you finish. Yeah, yeah, yeah it's a mental thing. So I mean but if you have, if you, if there's resources there, I mean like we have to utilize our resources, our toolkits though right, um, so those things could be, if I think about it, on a medical level, or medical field, or the medical insurance field, if you are having trauma or if you suffer from trauma or abuse, you have insurance and you utilize the insurance to see a therapist, right?
Gillian Brooks:So you go see a therapist and you start to work through things and the therapist is going to give you tools that you put in your toolkit that are going to help you succeed. Therapists is going to give you tools that you put in your toolkit that are going to help you succeed Once you start to see your therapist and then maybe, if you do have some mental health issues, you can get medication. These are all tools that go back into your toolkit, right? If you need a car or you haven't, if you're having transportation issues, if you go see somebody, whether it be at a community resource, you know organization or you go to you either your health care provider and they help you get insurance, you help you get transportation. That's one more tool that you put in your toolkit. So I mean, if you don't, I'm not sure what you're asking like.
Gillian Brooks:I'm not sure you have to utilize the tool, right.
Erica Rawls:So how does someone that doesn't know about those resources get them? Because there are situations where where I've seen, where, yeah, someone wants to change their life, right, and they may feel as though they don't have the ability to because they don't have those resources.
Gillian Brooks:Mm, hmm.
Erica Rawls:That's what I was at the question when do you start?
Gillian Brooks:Like where do I start, Jillian?
Erica Rawls:question so where do you start? Where do I start, jillian? Where do I start?
Gillian Brooks:You know that thing that everybody's on all day long. They're on this thing all day and they spend hours upon hours. You can make millions of dollars off of that. So if it starts with Googling, we can sit online all day. We can find out what's going on with Ray Ray, and you know we can sit online all day.
Gillian Brooks:We can find out what's going on with ray ray, and you know sally over here and no, do not make any, there's no excuse for you to don't make excuses, and I know that everybody is in a different space, but this is just how I was raised and I know it comes across sometimes because people say, well, why did? Why did you say that? I mean, this is the way I was raised and I'm not saying that it was the right, right way to be raised, but it worked for me. Sure, because I learned how to navigate. And we I found that people are so interesting, they can navigate everything else Right, except what's best for them. We can figure out everything we could.
Gillian Brooks:I have friends that could tell you all your business, probably could tell you everything that's going on with Erica. But when you say, well, how do you do? Well, you, you have some skeletons in your closet you got to clean out, you know. So I think our, if we redirect our energy and put that same energy that we put into everything else and everybody else, we can solve everybody else's problems and kind of internalize and kind of look at what are the steps that I need to take. You know, um, I think people will be able to to navigate and get a mentor. I know everybody doesn't have money for mentors but you know, um, if you go to your doctor's office, a doctor can refer you to a behavior health specialist that they have free services. That's somebody you can talk to and maybe get some resources from, or your teacher or you know. So we have to just utilize those tools. I mean, the tools are there.
Erica Rawls:Start with Google Right Start with. Google. So as you grew into womanhood, into adulthood, have you found that okay? It so like you've been blessed enough to keep some of your same friends, absolutely? Um, did you find it hard to get into new circles? Never mind, we're talking to Jillian, she just no, no, no, no, it is, we can.
Gillian Brooks:I have challenges there. We can talk about that okay let's talk's talk about that.
Erica Rawls:So it challenges for new circles. Yeah, she's like no, just go out there and do it.
Gillian Brooks:Crush that fear I will. I think that the challenge is where I'm at now is that I am yearning for new connections, right Business connections, mentorship, and I haven't been able to. It hasn't come to me yet. So I pray, I do my due diligence. I might reach out to three or four people.
Erica Rawls:um, I might come through this episode like what you're looking for.
Gillian Brooks:What you're looking for right um, I've, I've tried to um, look for mentorship and it hasn't come to me yet and I pray about it all the time. I pray about it all the time. I'm like God, I want a mentor, but I don't, I don't want this and I don't. I'm very, I'm very, um, directed my prayers and I'm very precise, god, I want a mentor, but I don't, I don't want this and I don't. I'm very, I'm very directed my prayers and I'm very precise in my prayers. I don't want this and I don't want that and I want it to be this and I need it to be this. And then you know the back end, what I need, right, and so it hasn't come to me yet. But you know, like I said, I yearn to be around women who have more. You know, because it may, it makes, it inspires me, it inspires me. So I would say that that's a challenge, or maybe it just hasn't happened yet.
Erica Rawls:Do you think it's hard to find good mentors?
Gillian Brooks:Yes, I do, I do and I will say that because I feel like a lot of people in my experience, a lot of people in my experience, they come in with their baggage.
Erica Rawls:But don't we all have baggage though, Julian?
Gillian Brooks:We do, you're nice.
Erica Rawls:You know what it's funny that you said that? Because I get that a lot. Yeah, I'm too nice. You know what it's funny that you said that?
Gillian Brooks:because I get that a lot. Yeah, I'm too nice. Yeah, there's nothing wrong with that. Yeah, I'm too nice. I will say, though, if I was in a role to be a mentor in which I am I have people to come to me all the time. Right now, I am not taking anybody to mentor or coach. Right now, my books are not open because I have to work with the things that I need to work on my baggage. Yeah, things that I may have picked up in the last two years maybe.
Gillian Brooks:So there was a time that I was coaching. That's one of my businesses. I do business coaching, do life coaching, but right now I'm not taking any clients because I'm taking the time to fill my cup. I'm going to therapy. I'm going to therapy. I'm working on my foundation of my family of mine. This is my second marriage. I'm working on building my marriage, a strong foundation. My children are in different spaces. Yeah, I'm not going to stretch myself then to say just to keep a business my business, you know on the forefront right at this moment, because my kids sanity and my husband's sanity is more important to me at this point in my life than mentoring.
Erica Rawls:So I feel like you can, you know, you can take with you, you can kind of this is great, because I I think it has a lot to do with what you said. Right, you don't have the capacity to bring on and help somebody else, right, to be a mentor. Um, I'd like to ask you is is that the same thing as friendships too? But to finish my thought, because you're pouring into your husband and to your children and into your profession, so you know that, hey, for me, my bandwidth is, I'm at my capacity, yeah. So I think that's to be commended, because I think a lot of times, we try to put on way too many hats and we're not able to give ourselves the oxygen we need in order to be effective for the people that our loved ones need as well. So, what about friendships right now? Because I think, as adults, it's hard for us to navigate that and to actually allow other people in. And then, if I want to get really granular, it's really hard for women, right, really hard for women.
Gillian Brooks:So how do you navigate that? I am, like I said, in a space where, you know, pouring into everything else, and in my family I mean pouring into my family structure. So I do tell my friends, I like I send a text message out to my friends, like at the beginning of semester because now I'm in in um, in school, to get my master's. Now this is my second time around, because I the first time didn't go well, um. So I told him, I said, hey, like you know, my friends do a lot, they travel, they brunch, they, you know, they going bowling, they doing everything. So I said, hey, like you know, I'm getting ready to lock into my master's program. I'm not going to be answering text messages, I'm not going to be available to do all of these things. I'm trying to save up for a house. We want to relocate.
Gillian Brooks:I'm kind of on pause right now, but I love y'all and I'm here if you need me.
Gillian Brooks:I cook for I cook for everybody, my friends and my family, and if you need me to cook something, I'm here.
Gillian Brooks:But you know, other than that, I, you know I, it's it's closed. So I think it's really important I say all that to say I think it's really important that, as adults and as women, if we're clear on why we're maybe not communicating as much or we're not answering the phone as much or we're not hanging out as much, is because there's other areas of our life that we really need to pour into right now. That doesn't mean that I don't love you, it doesn't mean I love you less or that I don't want to be your friend or I don't want to hang out, but there's just other things that really really need my attention right now. And I can't be pouring into this relationship and my kids need me, or I can't be spending more time out of the house and my husband feels like he needs me, you know, and there is a balance in it, but I am not at the place where I can balance it and I'm a woman enough to say that.
Erica Rawls:No, you're balancing it. You're just saying hey, guess what my family is? All the things that I have available to balance, that's all I have right now.
Gillian Brooks:Yeah, friends, I'm here for you. I think communication, that open communication, is important. Because when you don't have that communication, that open communication is important. Because when you don't have that, or you or someone's afraid or be afraid to be assertive, to say what I said, um, then there's like, well, why is she acting funny? Or she answered my phone calls. And because I was afraid to say that my family comes first. And I had to draw the line in the sand and say you know we're not friends. Because I keep asking you what's wrong. I keep reaching out. I now this has become I one thing about me. I don't chase men, I don't chase money and I don't chase friends. Okay, I love, I tracked everything. Everything great comes to me, everything that I'm meant to have, I wake up to in the morning, I don't chase. So if I start to feel like I'm chasing you or I'm repetitive in what I got, I have children to tend to. Yeah, I have business to attend to.
Erica Rawls:Hold on, julia. What about the? Okay, you're not chasing them, but what about? Okay, you're. You're a multifaceted woman, you have a lot of things on your plate, right? So you're just busy. So you're just busy, right. And their intention is not to not respond, is not having the opportunity, but saying it out loud. I'm thinking OK, if I'm giving you something, hello, you can take two seconds out of your day to respond.
Gillian Brooks:So it's like the same thing if you're in a relationship with a man yeah, right, and we were kicking it, we're cool, we're this, that, that and you don't have two seconds to say hey, honey, I'm really really busy today, that's. It's nothing against you, you're beautiful, I love you. Right, you need two hundred dollars. Here it is. Have a good day, yeah.
Erica Rawls:Well then, I would just keep it real that I have not text after you text I do apologize.
Gillian Brooks:I do love y'all and.
Erica Rawls:I'll text you after this episode. Yeah yeah, I didn't even think about that. Thank you for that.
Gillian Brooks:Thank you Just like, take two seconds or you know I understand everybody's busy, but you'm busy too, fair. And my friend and when I'm like I said my friend I was talking to we talked for hours on the phone and she knows that she doesn't hear. You know what I mean. You take the time. So what? I had time today because I was off today. So I want to sit on the phone with my friend because she's not as busy. She might not be as busy as I am, but I'm going to give you this time today.
Gillian Brooks:I'm intentional in the time that I do make for the people I love. You get what I mean, or my friendships, or you know I'm intentional about that, okay, uh, it's Monday. Call your mama. You ain't talk to your mom, you know? Yeah, um, so if I keep reaching out and I've texted you five, six times or called you and I don't get a response, then and it's months of this then I have to draw the line in a scene and say you know what I love you, but I'm going to have to, because you almost feel as though you're being taken advantage of, or you're taking me for a ride.
Erica Rawls:Yeah, yeah, I don't care. You don't care as much as I care about you, or something is there? And not even that something's wrong and right, something's wrong but you're not able to share.
Gillian Brooks:You're not able to communicate it. Yeah, blink twice if you're in trouble. Right Something. Right, yeah, something, ok, yeah, that's you know what.
Erica Rawls:Thank you for that You're welcome Because we're keeping it real, we're taking accountability, we are taking accountability. I did not know it was going to be a session today. So stop it. Stop it so as what about the friends? Or the people will just make it in general, you see those friendships that are toxic and yet they just remain as friends. We all know it's time for them to just stop it. Just to stop. What do you say? Have you experienced that? What would you say to those people?
Gillian Brooks:Well, what my husband would say, because he is my, he's your accountability partner, he is just the best. I did not know boundaries. Before I met him, I thought that I was supposed to. You know, that comes from trauma and that comes from that void in childhood, those boys in childhood Right Of wanting to be everything to everybody and wanting to be accepted. And I thought I had to make myself available to everybody because if I didn't I would be a bad person. And he tells me so what, who cares if you, you have to protect your peaceillian, you have to set boundaries.
Gillian Brooks:If you don't like the way you feel when you leave this person or this environment or encounter, then that is not for you. You don't have to deal. You don't have to deal with that. And so you taught me have it. They just got it naturally. And he's a gemini, so men do have it. They are just unbothered. They are. That's the one part of being I wish sometimes that I could have. That that men have is the unbotheredness. You money or something like that.
Gillian Brooks:But if you don't like the way the relationship is going, or just like it, if it's an intimate relationship, um, let's have a conversation.
Gillian Brooks:And if the behaviors continue, then I have to remove myself from the situation. You know, and I'm grateful for that, learning that, those boundaries, and learning to be assertive when it comes to my piece, because I could be assertive about everything else business and this and that work I could do that easily, but when it came to my personal boundaries and what I allow people to do to me, do those things to me, it was just an open. It was just open, you know, open house, it was just free for all, um, and so I'm going to have a conversation with you. If I feel at this point in my life, if I feel as though you continue to still exert those behaviors, then there's nothing for us to. You know, we're gonna have to go our separate ways. But when I see people that are in those vicious cycles, um, they just don't have boundaries, just like setting those boundaries for themselves, um, and, like I said, intimate relationships, friendships, work, relationships with their children you see people's kids run all over them too, and that is true.
Erica Rawls:Yeah, it's OK to have boundaries. It is OK to have boundaries, so you look like someone that has a bright light. Right, your light is shining bright. Yeah, thank you, you're welcome. So how do you navigate?
Gillian Brooks:Right, the moths coming to the lake.
Erica Rawls:Yes, yeah, so she said the moths the moths yes.
Gillian Brooks:Yeah, and my good friend Asia said that to me. She said you're a bright light and you it's bright light to track m? Um. And so again back to that discernment piece, um, and I think I was at one point even. You know, if everybody wanted to be my friend, it could be my friend. If a, if a man wanted to talk to me, he could talk to me too. Everybody could come, you know it's enough for Jill to go around you.
Gillian Brooks:You know, but I had to. I learned that that bright lights also attract moths, right, and you have to look at a person's intentions, um, and if you want to be my friend, you want to be my friend, really, really, really bad. Why do you want to be my friend? Really, really, really bad? Like, do you think that I'm going to help you? Do you want me to mentor you? Do you think you're going to get something free?
Gillian Brooks:Do you think just being around me is going to, you know, open up doors for you. I have to take inventory on that. When people come like, come around now, before it was like a free for all and I got burnt every time. I got burnt every time. And so if I meet you and you're coming on as my assistant for my job for a business, yes, you have to stay as my assistant for in business. Wow, yeah, we, we, we. It's going to take time for us to To build that relationship, to build that relationship, whereas before it was again, sure, that's my girl, that's my friend, yeah, yeah, yeah, right. But then things happen. People come with their baggage, they come with their ill intentions, right, and they come in and they get what they need and they do the things that keep, you know, get things going, and then they go right out the door you had, there was no repercussion, there was no vetting, there was no, none of that for them to come into your life. And this is this is again intimate relationships friendships, Again, intimate relationships, friendships.
Erica Rawls:So do you have not anxiety, lack of a better word Do you get anxious, timid or anxious when it comes to OK, yeah, I'm allowing someone else to come into my life because of things that?
Gillian Brooks:happened in the past. So how are you working through that therapy? Ok Therapy, okay Therapy helps. Again. I'm also grateful for the people that I have in my life now, because not only are their eyes, for me too, right, so your circle, my circle I don't know the correct word, how I can say it but like their eyes, they see things that maybe I don't see because I am. I'm open, I'm friendly, I like to be, you know, and then I have to like okay, jill, all right, calm down, you know, calm down. But then my friends, close family member or husband, Right, no, right, let's stop there, you know. So there is some anxious, you know. I am anxious sometimes when people new come around, but that's why I say these next connections that I do have, I'm praying that God brings these connections to me and that I'm able to see with my own eyes that these people are for me or I'm supposed to be in this space.
Erica Rawls:Yeah, yeah, I applaud you being open to having this conversation Absolutely, and I feel like we could just keep going on, we could continue to talk about it, so I would love to invite the audience it, so I would love to invite the audience. What are some things that you are afraid of when it comes to, you know, growing your circle or letting go of loved ones, your friends, even sometimes family members, that just don't serve you well, like, how do you work through that? Because that's something I think we all struggle with and, again, as women, I think we see it more often Like the fear of disappointing outweighs our preservation.
Erica Rawls:Yes, preserving ourself and our mental well-being is something that we definitely need to visit at some point. This was a great conversation, y'all the importance of friendships, recognizing when to change your circle and then just building a supportive circle around you. Jillian, erica, thank you so? Much You're welcome. Yeah, you're welcome.
Gillian Brooks:Yeah, we'll have to do this again. Thank you for the platform. To keep it real. You're welcome. I think we did that today.
Erica Rawls:We did do that, you did that, yes, yes, and y'all you know what. Until next time, keep keeping it real.
